What a weird concept: Time.
Some days, I want to speed it up. Some days, I want to slow it down. And lately, I’m caught in a fight with time. I want to fast forward through this pandemic. I want to slow it down. Because, I need more time with him.
My son, he is nine months old. For six of those nine months he has been in the hospital. I’ll spare you the nitty gritty medical details, but he is sick. It’s been touch and go several times. I’ve prayed many nights to God it’s not his last night with me.
I’m a critical care nurse, both at home and at work. I’ve seen it all and I’m on the frontlines. And during this crisis? We’ve banded together. The hospital needs us to be operating at full strength. Which means I have given it all that I’ve got. This also means for an entire month of my son’s life I couldn’t see him. It was just too risky. His little lungs, his little heart — if he got sick, well, you know.
When my work family asks how my little boy is doing, I just tell them that he is doing okay. I don’t know, I guess I didn’t want to pile on the worries. We all have our problems. I also can't bring my personal life to work with me because if I mix emotions, then I may cause mistakes with other people's lives.
I just want to be a good nurse. I want to contribute. I don't want to burden anyone with my problems. I don't want to distract my team. I want to be a mommy to my son and watch him grow into a man. I want time.
So what can I do right now? I can make the most of the time we have. I can play my part in defeating COVID-19 so families can be reunited with their loved ones. I put my faith in God, that my son is here for a reason, to touch the lives of others and we will have him for as long as God believes we need him and he needs us.
Time: It’s all we got.
I Hope We Have More TimeBlaire Barrios Green